The 26 0r 27 Most Annoying Phrases of All Time
Smile.
(Said only to women. What do I look like, you're personal wind-up doll?)
Chill Out.
(Surefire way to make me want to bite someone's face off.)
Sweet!
(Frat boys invented this and it needs to die a fiery death.)
It’s all good.
(It's not. It's clearly not.)
Everything happens for a reason.
(Oh, shew. And here I thought it was unadulterated chaos.)
Don’t go there.
(Don't tell me what to do.)
Let's touch base.
(I still say this. But I cut myself when I do.)
Dude…
(Hanging around a bunch of surfers, I hear it constantly. Not your dude. Heard one surfer call his own mother a dude.)
You can’t (fill in the blank)!
(Said by people with teeny amounts of authority. "You can't sit there." Oh yes, I can. I might not be allowed. But I can. I can do anything I want. Watch!)
Could you not (fill in the blank)?
(Generally said by haughty, passive aggressive women.)
No offense but…
(No doubt an offense will directly follow.)
Classy!
(Just like "rock and roll", if you have to say it is, then it isn't so.)
You rock!
(Refer to above.)
Sorry but (fill in the blank)
(Sorry will NEVER go with BUT! Never! One or the other, man, one or the other.)
I’m not going to lie...
(Oh well, bully for you. Guess its my effin' lucky day.)
Um, can we talk?
(Cringing just typing that one out.)
Wait till your father gets home.
(My mother used this on me and it pretty much prematurely aged me a full decade.)
It is what it is.
(Really? Wow, deep.)
Not so much.
(As in: "I love heroin; my wife, not so much.")
Due diligence.
(Up there with "growing your business" and "leveraging.")
Just kiddding!
(Said in creepy, sing-songy way. Reply in same manner: "No you're not cuz it's not funny!")
NSA
(No strings attached - BULLSHIT!)
So what do you do?
(Always annoying when its the first thing out of someone's mouth upon meeting. I like to answer with "Wet myself.")
"You know what you should do?"
("Oh, PRAY tell! My very survival is dependent on it, I'm sure." Andy and I particularly hate this one.)
Well, that's different.
(As in "Well I guess your gonna think for yourself instead of following my path of mediocrity.")
To be honest....
(Usually followed by a blatant lie or a REALLY inconsequential personal factoid. "To be honest, I'd never wear a pair of red shoes at all no matter what season it is.")