and i can admit to myself that i'm scared.
i still feel stupid and hate myself sometimes.
i still get nervous. sometimes i take my feelings out on others.
i'm not perfect. i forget important things.
i still try my best. i apologise and strive to do better.
i still get anxious, i still feel this knot form in my stomach and this pressure settle down on my chest.
i still feel the beads of sweat on my skin and still i sometimes don't have all the answers.
anyone in my shoes would feel the same, i'm certain.
i'm doing okay, but i can do better.
i still feel stupid and hate myself sometimes, i'm dreading saturday and the potential mistakes i can make.
the potential people i can upset and the potential enemies i can make. the potential disagreements and
the potential action i would have to take in the future.
i'm learning but i'm still scared. when this year ends it'll all be like clockwork.
until then i need to keep striving and surviving.
i've made it this far. that has to count for something.
Dudu*