A year ago
it wasn’t like this.
A year ago
we talked.
A year ago
we laughed.
A year ago
we loved.
A year ago
it felt real.
A year ago
things were different.
Now
we barely talk.
Now
we cry.
Now
we fight.
And scream.
And argue.
And holler, and misunderstand, and assume, and lie, and make up excuses to the point where we’re at the brink of simply breaking.
Now
it all sucks.
Now
it doesn’t feel real.
It’s sad.
So I keep making up this fantasy
that a year ago is now,
and now never existed.
I miss the past.
I miss the way things were a year ago.
I miss the last year’s you.
I miss the last year’s me.
I miss the last year’s us.
I miss last year.
I miss it all.
365 days ago,
we would be talking right now.
About life
and how sometimes we fall off track,
but we just need each other to keep going in the right direction.
365 days ago,
we’d be fighting
about who loves who more.
And 365 days ago,
you’d let me win
even though we both knew
you loved me more
than anyone could describe.
Today,
the only thing we talk about is how stressed we are in life.
Not only that, but today
it’s all we can ever seem to agree on.
Today,
not a day passes where we don’t fight.
And today,
our relationship –
No.
Our friendship
is being put at risk because of our mistrust.
And our deceiving, and our lying, and our selfishness, and our mediocrity, and our stress, and our lack of patience.
But it isn’t really ours.
It’s mine.
It’s my mistrust.
And my deceiving, and my lying, and my selfishness, and my mediocrity, and my stress, and my lack of patience.
It’s my fault.
I’m the one to blame.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry
that my actions have destructed our friendship.
I’m sorry
that I’m not always honest.
I’m sorry
that I’m emotional.
And I’m sorry
that I changed everything.
Emily*