ReliefxInxAxKnife

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Member Since: 10 Sep 2011 11:43pm

Last Seen: 1 Oct 2011 05:29am

user id: 217377

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Even though most won't read this...

My name is Belle, I'm in high school, born on March 15 and that's all you need to know. I do have another account on here, and if you find it then I don't really care :P I don't post these quotes to scare anyone, or seem gothic and morbid. If you don't like em, don't read em. Simple as that. Feel free to leave me a comment...I'm not really mean. I don't exactly look at myself as emo or scene, but people say what they want anyway. I didn't make this account for faves or followers. I made this account to really be able to vent, and to let you guys know you aren't alone in this.

*

ReliefxInxAxKnife
posted a quote
October 1, 2011 1:43am UTC

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ReliefxInxAxKnife
posted a quote
September 15, 2011 7:17pm UTC

I'm borderline anorexic. I cut. I burn. My brother committed suicide when he was 16 and I was 7 and he was my best friend. My mom used to beat me. My family has tried to put me into a mental institution more than once. My dad moved across the country because he doesn't want a divorce but doesn't want to put up with my mom. She's the crazy one...my grandpa died in January and he was the only one who really understood what was going on. My friends kinda understand, and there's a guy who wants to help but...I'm scared. And you still tell me I have no right to cry?

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ReliefxInxAxKnife
posted a quote
September 13, 2011 8:41pm UTC

When I die;
know that you never knew me.
*

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ReliefxInxAxKnife
posted a quote
September 12, 2011 8:59pm UTC

In this place we lie cutting slightly in vain,
hoping and praying you'll remember my name.
*

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ReliefxInxAxKnife
posted a quote
September 12, 2011 8:57pm UTC

Everyone knows;
the louder the music, the bigger the heartbreak.
*

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ReliefxInxAxKnife
posted a quote
September 11, 2011 11:40am UTC

Some people barely drag the razor over their skin...just enough to make the blood seep and to make themselves feel tougher. Others cut deeper and deeper, wondering what they look like when their bones smile at them from the bloody pool. But that's a world of their own, not for the faint hearted.
*

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ReliefxInxAxKnife
posted a quote
September 11, 2011 11:35am UTC

She said
"Do the world a favor and stop cutting your arms and slit your throat."
I just smiled and walked away with my middle finger in the air

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ReliefxInxAxKnife
posted a quote
September 11, 2011 11:28am UTC

The razor moves across her wrist like a river, so peacefully...
but once the red water starts to run down her arms
it's hard to make it stop.
*

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ReliefxInxAxKnife
posted a quote
September 11, 2011 11:20am UTC

Scar tissue has no character. It's not like skin.
It doesn't show age or illness or pallor or tan. It has no hair, no pores, no wrinkles. It's like a slip cover. It shields and disguises what's beneath, and that's why we grow it; we have something to hide.
*

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ReliefxInxAxKnife
posted a quote
September 11, 2011 11:11am UTC

The apple fall far from the tree she's rotten and so beautiful I'd like to keep her here with me and tell her that she's beautiful she takes the pills to fall asleep and dreams that she's invisible tormented dreams she stays awake recalls when she was capable...

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ReliefxInxAxKnife
posted a quote
September 11, 2011 12:45am UTC

I'm not the little girl my parents wanted me to be.
but that's my little secret.

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ReliefxInxAxKnife
posted a quote
September 11, 2011 12:41am UTC

I feel them watching me.
Waiting for the day I pick up the blade
and whisper
"This time...I'm not okay."
Because if I died today,
who would remember me tomorrow?

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ReliefxInxAxKnife
posted a quote
September 11, 2011 12:36am UTC

I know what it's like to want to die...
how it hurts to smile,
how you try to fit in but can't...
how you hurt yourself on the outside,
trying to kill the thing that's inside.
*

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ReliefxInxAxKnife
posted a quote
September 11, 2011 12:32am UTC

You have no idea what I can do.
*

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ReliefxInxAxKnife
posted a quote
September 11, 2011 12:27am UTC

You do it to yourself.
That's why it really hurts.
*

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ReliefxInxAxKnife
posted a quote
September 11, 2011 12:23am UTC

What's the point in screaming?
no one's listening anyway.
*

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ReliefxInxAxKnife
posted a quote
September 11, 2011 12:15am UTC

So many nights I've sat against a locked door
with bloodstained rags tied around my wrists or pressed against my hips.
So many nights I've wanted to tell someone,
but i know they won't answer my call.
So I'll stay to my ritual of mopping up the blood from the bathroom tiles and just let myself fall apart.
*

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ReliefxInxAxKnife
posted a quote
September 11, 2011 12:11am UTC

STOP THE WORLD
I WANT TO GET OFF.
*

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ReliefxInxAxKnife
posted a quote
September 11, 2011 12:06am UTC

Warning;;
Before you make that first cut, remember--
You will find the blood and pain release addictive.
Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep and will heal easily--
They will get deeper.
They will scar.
They will take sometimes months to heal.
And years for the scars to fade.
If you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body think again.
It will spread when you run out of skin.
Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame.
Even if you are the most honest person ever to live--
You will find yourself lying to the people you love.
You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison.
You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt or because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.
Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be.
Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100.
Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around thinking about cutting--
Cutting and covering up cutting.
And just wait till that first time you cut "too deep."
And you freak out because the blood won't stop...
And you are gasping...
And you feel yourself shaking all over.
You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can`t tell anyone.
So you sit there alone...
Praying it will be okay--
Swearing you'll never let it go this far again...
But you will, and further....
Don't worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that you can go deeper and deeper and avoid the ER.
And the better you get at treating your cuts,
The deeper they get.
You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find youself spending 20, 30, or 50 dollars every time you go the pharmacy.
You will feel the flutter of your heartbeat everytime you go to the counter to ring up your order.
Butterfly strips--
3 or 4 different kinds of dressings...
Betadine...
Antibiotic cream...
Medical tape...
Scar reducers...
You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the line will just move and noone will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things.
And at the same time secretly hope someone will notice--
Someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same supplies.
Someone who understands--
But of course that never happens.
Medical supplies won't be the only thing you spend all your money on.
Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe--
Longsleeve shirts in summer colors, bracelets, wristbands, boots...
The list goes on and on.
You will start looking at everyone in a different way.
Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI.
Just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so terribly alone.
You wont even think about it,
As your eyes scan their wrists arms.
Hoping, just hoping they will be like you.
But they are not.
You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.
You will start doing a lot of things alone.
You will always have to wash your laundry in private so no one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels.
You will always be cleaning up the blood.
Scrubbing your bathroom floor.
Wiping the blood off your keyboard.
You won't be able to make it through a day without cutting.
Next thing you know you are in a public bathroom somewhere breaking open a scab with a sewing needle that you keep in your wallet for emergencies.
When you get really desperate,
Anything will be a cutting tool...
Scissors...a car key...a needle...a paperclip...even a pen.
Doesn't matter what it is if you need to cut bad enough you will find something.
Say goodbye to things you took for granted.
Like wearing shorts or sandals...pedicures...sleeveless tops.
A normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you.
Get ready to itch.
Because you will itch and itch.
So much you will look like you have fleas or a skin disease.
You will become an expert on your body as you destroy it carefully.
You will dream about cutting.
You will dream about being exposed.
It will haunt you day and night and take over your life.
You will wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely hate cutting--
At the same time you love it and can not live without
-x-
*

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ReliefxInxAxKnife
posted a quote
September 11, 2011 12:02am UTC

slice her wrists and cut her throat
even if you won't, what you do say (and what you don't say)
is enough
she'll do it herself.
*

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